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The thought train chugs along, halting only at predetermined stations to carry Buddhists safely to their world. The sound of fantasy travel grows louder by the station, halting indefinitely for those who are new to the real world. The louder the sound, the closer I am to my destination, I think.

It’s the same thing every time- train stops; I look out to stare at a board painted white; and the train chugs again. There is always just one wanting to get into the train, and always just one wanting to get out- the awe-inspiring symmetry has crept even to this stage and the unknown still is the unknown; I think.

The train runs in a perfect circle, a zero, and it stops at arbitrary stations confusing people outside and inside. Even these tirthankaras; these highest levels in humanity; either by info leaks or by effort, are left confused. Those with effort wait for a sign, a symbol or a weird act of chance that will tell them that they need to get down.

Once he gets down after being signaled by the other, the train blasts along, getting so fast it’s scary. The speed thought moves has always been scary, I think.

I am dying by the sound of this thought train and all I really want is to alight at my station. All I want is to slow down this maddening pace of thought sequences, all I want is to be able to sleep. I haven’t slept for so many days I think…all I really want is to sleep, but I can’t sleep until my sign, I want my sign so damn much.

The sounds get louder after every stop. And then out of the blue, there is the silence I had been searching for. Everything is silent, not one wanting to board or alight. There is no confusion, for everyone’s asleep. Not even one confused breath - eternal uninterrupted peace. This, then, is my sign, yes, this is what I always wanted, everlasting silence. The train had stopped. I had woken up to the silence. Sleepily I dial my own number. I knew and I trusted the system to wake up my companion with vibrations, with sensations, with a vibrating alert. I trusted the system with my life. And it trusted me back with a call diverted. But he did not wake up. Alas, the burden of my guilt.

I needed to figure what was wrong with my system, my world. Something was wrong; my companion was taking too long. I trusted the system, but I did not trust my companion. Ah right, in my world, the system were the people! My system had depended on an error! Anyway, I am kicking my companion, but he doesn’t want to get down! The train is not moving until I get down I think….which is when I slowly hear sounds again. The train has moved again, but I know the train is only moving in circles. My station will come again, and this time there will be no mistakes.

And then the sounds reverberate. The wait is slowly turning painful. Again a frenzied world, weird smells, weird sounds, and weird Japs. Weird are the ways…the ways of curiosity, the ways of awareness, the ways of impulse….or maybe not, after all its all about imagination, I think.

KHDGAD! Ah the silence again…I know I can’t use sound to wake up my friend. My world does not have sounds. I kick him awake. I tell him to get down. But he says our destination is far. I want to trust him but I cannot. The train is moving again. Remorse, he had spoken. He had made it move and I am dying; dying to sleep; dying for silence.

I make him trust me. I tell him it’s a game I tell him to trust me. But he doesn’t want to, so I force him to believe me. I tell him to trust me, to believe me; he doesn’t want to, his world is a different world. I tell him to look into my eyes, for in my world, eyes are the pathways to the soul. I think I touched him this time and now when I wanted to get down, he followed my thought.

Finally, quiet my world or not quiet? Only time will tell, only my alarm will tell…only the sound of the bell will tell. There is only the sound of the bell in my world. The serene sacred jingle of the bell in a vibrating peaceful world is all I wanted. This is what I will get, quite soon. But I could hear a person…which only meant one thing, my world is not aware yet. It was silly of me not to trust my friend. He leads, I follow, and we are both confused by the power of my own thought.

I am home, but I still hear sounds. When will I reach my world? When will I reach my fruition? I force the sound of the bell, but I ignore time this way. So it’s all an endless wait……a wait that is my reality. Only stopping time will force a world devoid of sound, I think, sounds both internal to my body, and the warring confused outside. What have I done to my world… maybe I should change myself to this new reality, maybe all I really need to see are a pair of ray-bans. Ah, the guilt, the eternal guilt, it doesn’t let me sleep; it doesn’t let me see…when indeed will I know that I have arrived? When will these sounds stop?